Little room update
So that cute little room I've been ranting about for the past few posts now? I did it, I took out the paint and brushes and had at it yesterday! Its no where near complete but its definitely progress. Here's a little sneak peak :D
After a four year struggle with infertility and PCOS we finally got our miracle x2. These are our adventures as The Marra Four
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Friday, January 20, 2012
Suspicion
I have this sneaky suspicion that June will be a hard month for me. I've heard many baby announcements over the last few weeks of babies that are due the same month we would have been having a baby. Do not get me wrong I love all of these girls who are expecting and will be over joyed for them when they get there little miracles. I just know that every time I see a birth announcement from one of them it will tear just a little at my heart knowing that we could have been making our own little announcement right along side them.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
I have an itch
I have an itch
You remember that little room that sits all taped up in my house? Well I've been having a bit of a creative itch. Even though I've been working on photos and announcements for my cousins wedding I just feel my little itch getting stronger and stronger to do something a little more hands on creative! So the more I feel this itch the more I think that I might just be pulling out the paint and supplies to finally get that room finished! Stay tuned for updated this one is going to be wonderful! :D
What I want it to look like
What I want it to look like
Friday, January 13, 2012
Gratitude
I must say that I have seriously been blessed with wonderful people in my life whether they are new, or old or even people I've barely met before. After posting yesterday I considered taking that post down so no one else could see but then I realized hey this is me! Why should I have to act as if I'm perfectly fine with everything in my life all of the time. The truth of the matter is that struggling to get pregnant over these last three years has been very hard, not only on me but also on Shawn and our relationship. Shoot if anyone tries to tell me that infertility hasn't been a trial in their marriage I seriously would love to sit down and have a long talk with them to find out how they do it. The truth is this journey is nothing like I/we ever expected it to be. It is absolutely the most emotionally taxing thing I have ever been through in my life!
Infertility has always been a nightmare of mine, something I knew I would have a very hard time dealing with. But like many things in life that we know would be a massive struggle for us, we seem to always think its something that will never happen to us, or anyone else we know for that matter. But boy was I wrong, the more I share about our journey the more friends I find who are struggling quietly with the same thing. And thats ok if they want to quietly struggle with their own journeys. We have been there and I learned that it was the loneliest thing I personally have done. Being able to be honest and open about our struggles has been one of the best things, I know we're not alone in this. Not that infertility is something I would EVER wish on my worst enemy, but its nice to know we have others to turn to with the same struggles. And we've come to realize that we seriously have the best support system ever.
I know that many people sometimes struggle with things to say or when to talk to us about certain things. I've seen it many times in peoples faces, and I wish they wouldn't feel so awkward about it. If there is something you are wondering about with our journey don't be afraid to ask. If I'm not comfortable with the question I can promise you that you'll know and we'll just move right along to the next thing! One other thing that always seems to get to me are the people who know about our struggles, say nothing to us and give us pitting looks. Seriously people this is not a death sentence we still have our lives, we are young and relatively healthy and have every hope in the world to still be parents one day whether its biologically through us or through adoption so please stop pitying us! For the most part though this is not what we encounter but more a never ending river of love and support from all of the people that we know and love. And for this I am eternally grateful!
Infertility has always been a nightmare of mine, something I knew I would have a very hard time dealing with. But like many things in life that we know would be a massive struggle for us, we seem to always think its something that will never happen to us, or anyone else we know for that matter. But boy was I wrong, the more I share about our journey the more friends I find who are struggling quietly with the same thing. And thats ok if they want to quietly struggle with their own journeys. We have been there and I learned that it was the loneliest thing I personally have done. Being able to be honest and open about our struggles has been one of the best things, I know we're not alone in this. Not that infertility is something I would EVER wish on my worst enemy, but its nice to know we have others to turn to with the same struggles. And we've come to realize that we seriously have the best support system ever.
I know that many people sometimes struggle with things to say or when to talk to us about certain things. I've seen it many times in peoples faces, and I wish they wouldn't feel so awkward about it. If there is something you are wondering about with our journey don't be afraid to ask. If I'm not comfortable with the question I can promise you that you'll know and we'll just move right along to the next thing! One other thing that always seems to get to me are the people who know about our struggles, say nothing to us and give us pitting looks. Seriously people this is not a death sentence we still have our lives, we are young and relatively healthy and have every hope in the world to still be parents one day whether its biologically through us or through adoption so please stop pitying us! For the most part though this is not what we encounter but more a never ending river of love and support from all of the people that we know and love. And for this I am eternally grateful!
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Some Day...
Some days I sit in the room that will one day become our babies room the one that looks exactly like this:
Some days I look at that special room and think of the hope we have for a baby to one day play and laugh and cry within these walls. And some days I just sit and cry in that special little room for the baby we lost, looking through all the little baby things we already have waiting in that little white cupboard in the middle of the room. Some day, one day this room will finally be painted and decked out for our precious miracle. Today is not some day. Today this is exactly what that little room looks like, taped up, ready for a make over. Something I really want to do before getting pregnant again. But some days, like today I hesitate. I think what is the point it could be years still before we are actually blessed with a child. Someday maybe infertility wont sting quiet as bad as it does today. Some day!
Some days I look at that special room and think of the hope we have for a baby to one day play and laugh and cry within these walls. And some days I just sit and cry in that special little room for the baby we lost, looking through all the little baby things we already have waiting in that little white cupboard in the middle of the room. Some day, one day this room will finally be painted and decked out for our precious miracle. Today is not some day. Today this is exactly what that little room looks like, taped up, ready for a make over. Something I really want to do before getting pregnant again. But some days, like today I hesitate. I think what is the point it could be years still before we are actually blessed with a child. Someday maybe infertility wont sting quiet as bad as it does today. Some day!
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
2011 Recap
2011 Recap
Happy New Year all my blogging friends! So many things happened to us this year I thought it might be good to document them all:
January our friends precious little girl was born and we are seriously so in love with her!
February I started school again (though at the moment I'm not sure that this was a good plan, I'm sure I'll get over it once I finally graduate)
March holy cow I turned 25!
April I think that's around the time we stopped trying to get pregnant
May We started house hunting
June found out our little dream house was previously a meth house...continued the search and found the perfect house for us
July paperwork was finalized we got our keys and prepared to move in but not before our kitchen, living room and basement flooded from a broken hose to the fridge, followed the next day by our sprinkler system breaking and flooding our yard (Welcome to home ownership!!)
August We celebrated our 3 year anniversary
September I took Shawn all the way to England for an adventure of a lifetime!
October We found out we were pregnant, what a miracle!
November Our baby dreams came crashing down from the swift blow of a miscarriage
December Nothing too eventful to be honest but nothing bad really happened to us either and for that we are super grateful!
This year has seriously flown by! I feel like it was just yesterday I was sitting in a doctors office scared to death that there was no way Shawn and I would ever be able to conceive a child. That I was too broken to be able to do such a thing. And now I'm here hopeful once again that 2012 will see us bringing a child into this world. I won't lie having a miscarriage rocked my world and has made it feel in a way like 2011 was a bust. BUT then I realize "HELLO you can actually get pregnant that's a huge part of the battle and now you know you can have faith again in yourself and things will turn out just fine." Plus we got to buy our home, the one we plan to raise our children in and we are seriously so blessed to be able to do such a thing already in our lives. So in all I call 2011 a pretty good year. Do I hope 2012 is better? Of course I do, but then again doesn't everyone?
January our friends precious little girl was born and we are seriously so in love with her!
February I started school again (though at the moment I'm not sure that this was a good plan, I'm sure I'll get over it once I finally graduate)
March holy cow I turned 25!
April I think that's around the time we stopped trying to get pregnant
May We started house hunting
June found out our little dream house was previously a meth house...continued the search and found the perfect house for us
July paperwork was finalized we got our keys and prepared to move in but not before our kitchen, living room and basement flooded from a broken hose to the fridge, followed the next day by our sprinkler system breaking and flooding our yard (Welcome to home ownership!!)
August We celebrated our 3 year anniversary
September I took Shawn all the way to England for an adventure of a lifetime!
October We found out we were pregnant, what a miracle!
November Our baby dreams came crashing down from the swift blow of a miscarriage
December Nothing too eventful to be honest but nothing bad really happened to us either and for that we are super grateful!
This year has seriously flown by! I feel like it was just yesterday I was sitting in a doctors office scared to death that there was no way Shawn and I would ever be able to conceive a child. That I was too broken to be able to do such a thing. And now I'm here hopeful once again that 2012 will see us bringing a child into this world. I won't lie having a miscarriage rocked my world and has made it feel in a way like 2011 was a bust. BUT then I realize "HELLO you can actually get pregnant that's a huge part of the battle and now you know you can have faith again in yourself and things will turn out just fine." Plus we got to buy our home, the one we plan to raise our children in and we are seriously so blessed to be able to do such a thing already in our lives. So in all I call 2011 a pretty good year. Do I hope 2012 is better? Of course I do, but then again doesn't everyone?
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