Mothers Day

I must admit that Mothers Day isn't exactly my favorite day of the year and I'm sure its no secret why that is. But this year I decided to suck it up and actually go to the full three hours of church instead of sneaking in after sacrament and avoiding the wonderful talks about mothers. Its not that people do a poor job about talking about mothers or that they normally pass out some cute gift to all of the mothers/those who are over the age of 17. Its just that its normally too much of a reminder of what I am not. According to many people I do not qualify as a mother as I don't have any children, I've never held a baby in my arms and called it mine. Because of this little thought (what other people think) in my head along with the thought that I would have/could have been 8 months pregnant by now, its hard to celebrate a day that just reminds me of what I am not.

Anyway back to yesterday, I thought this year would be a little different and I could be more in control of my emotions, I had even prayed that Heavenly Father would help comfort me through this day. And I was fine, until the first talk was about halfway finished. Before I knew what was happening one tear after another started to flood my eyes then pour down my face. What was she talking about? Not mothers, but learning to love and live with what we do have not what we could have or what we once had. That we needed to learn to be happy with our lives the way they are right now and let Heavenly Father worry about what could be, should be, will be. This obviously struck a HUGE cord with me. And I hid my head in Shawn's shoulder and bawled, especially when she began to talk about how she knows there are many of us with righteous desires waiting for those things to come true, and struggling with the wait for them. Dealing with infertility it can be so hard sometimes to get passed all of those feelings to just be happy for what you do have and not dwell on those things that you don't. After her talk ended the primary kids were asked to come up with their teachers and sing a mothers day medley and yes you guessed it we are primary teachers. I refused to go up, but my dear sweet husband insisted that I come with him and he hid me in the back as I pulled myself together. After our song was over he met me in the hall with an article from April's Ensign that he insisted I read. Its called My Search for Motherhood by Linda Longhurst, its a beautiful article and if you haven't read this I suggest you do even if you are already a mother. She talks about how Mothers Day was hard on her but how she came to realize that in order to be a mother she didn't physically have to raise any children but help others in raising their's, doing such things as babysitting so that the parents could have a date night, inviting kids over to make cookies, etc.

Then a mom of one of the boys that we teach was talking to me and without knowing I had just read this article and told me not only would my time come when its right (I get that one way more than I care to think about) but that I am a mom to the 5 little boys in our class, I am helping them to grow in teaching them gospel principles. All of this combined with this sweet text I received from my friend brought me so much comfort and helped me not only deal with the rest of the day but actually enjoy it, Heavenly Father answered my prayers. Her sweet text read : "You are a mother, first to your nephew and second to your sweet baby that you miscarried. That child is still yours though you don't have physical children you have an angel, and you'll be able to raise it when you return to heaven." (That one still brings a tear to my eye.)

There have been many times that I have asked Heavenly Father what it is exactly that I am supposed to be learning from this particular trial. Yesterday I think I managed to get a glimpse of that lesson, not only do I need to let go and leave things in Heavenly Fathers plans, but I've also learned that he really is there for us and doesn't want to see us in pain and he sends angels into our lives who love us and are there for us to help us through our toughest days. I am so grateful for his kind mercies and all he has given me in my life, and I know he will bless us when the time is right, and until then he'll send those wonderful people into our lives that help make things just a little easier.