39 Weeks

Today I received an email reminding me that I am 39 weeks pregnant. Where has the time gone? I can't believe that in one weeks time I would have been due with our miracle baby. That we would have been bringing him or her home and our lives would have changed forever.

It crazy to think that a year ago I was becoming so set on adoption being our way to parenthood, that it was possibly our only option. I never would have thought that three months later I would be pregnant. And never in a million years did I ever think we would have to deal with the heartbreak of a miscarriage. I feel as if I'm finally coming to terms with this loss. And I'm trying so hard to move on. 

The idea of adopting has not left my mind but has taken a back seat for a while. And why wouldn't it? We got pregnant without medical help. We can make that happen again right? I had really hoped wished and prayed that I would be pregnant again before my "due date" came around I guess that was just not meant to be. We are still holding out hope that we will be blessed with a child soon through me getting pregnant. But my hopes are dwindling that pregnancy will be achieved without the help of a specialist.

So here I am a year later doing exactly what I was last year, looking for the best specialist to go to, one that I can have faith in, who will actually listen to our problems and really try to figure them out. Hopefully I'll find that doctor soon and we can move on with our journey. Until then we'll just have to stay strong and hope that the Lord is planning to bless us with our own little miracle soon.